For someone who wears glasses, its amazing how I caught sight of you and I never lost focus even from a distance – I heard you in the silence, and I waited assuming you would not return.
I don’t like to play games – I had no siblings to learn the rules of teams. I found a game I could play on my own and I excelled. Unfortunately, experience was not on my side; even in winning, I continued off the board.
How stupid it would be to say that when you caught me cheating I was surprised – but it was so. I never knew you had caught on, I was blind in seeing you hurt by my cutting which I masked in jest; let me tell you that I but fell when you said you would play no more.
Imagine the cat; imagine the lion – how did it manage to make you a carpet? How did you let me win regardless of my abuse? There was so much that I had to say, so much I said that should have been left to the silence – when is time up? When do we throw out the rules and call it the end?
Where does strength, BOLDNESS, meanness, haughtiness and other components of a young self go when they have been banned from use? How do you play when you have only courage and kindness as your tools? How do you win when your opponent distrusts you?
How do I get out of this game? Had I known, had I the vision to foresee the effect of my actions? Had I listened the warnings perhaps I would not be in my current state – somehow self and former self. In the same person battling between giving up and repairing the damages…the road to recovery has barely begun and already I doubt. It is terribly easy to imagine that after proving new loyalty birthed from self-awareness, the only thing gained shall be a window of memories in wasted time.
Please play with me.